|
The IM life of middle-schoolers, Part 3: Home tech options (click for Part 1 and Part 2)
"How can we track their instant-messaging?" was a question parents asked school counselor Amanda in the middle of a school community IM crisis. That's a question not many people can answer. SafeKids.com's Larry Magid tackled it for the New York Times, saying parents' monitoring and protection strategies depend on the IM system their kids use.
And that, I'd add, usually depends on the system everybody else in their peer group uses. It would be nigh impossible to get a kid to switch systems - AIM, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, whatever - if all her friends use something different and can't reach her on the parent-imposed one. (To use a techie term, IM systems, regrettably, are not "interoperable.")
The most control, Larry points out, is available to MSN and AOL subscriber parents ("EarthLink and some cable and DSL providers also offer parental controls" - check with your Internet service provider). He explains how so.
Larry also mentions some parental control products that either block IM altogether or monitor and record online conversations. "Although to some people, recording a child's conversations constitutes an invasion of privacy, others believe that it is justified in the interest of protection," he writes, wisely adding that it's wise not to let these tools "lure you into a false sense of security." All the basic online-safety rules need still apply at your house, right?: Never give out name, location, phone number, or any other info that IDs personally and never meet someone face-to-face you've encountered online (and certainly not alone). Some examples of software that detects, monitors, and records IM conversations are Spector PRO & eBlaster (see Software4Parents.com), Guardian Monitor (see GuardianSoftware.com), and p2pLog (see WinPlanet). Filters such as Kidsnet and NetNanny can also block instant-messaging altogether.
However, "control" must be qualified. Blocking, monitoring, etc. don't help a bit if the child establishes and uses his/her own IM account at, say, a friend's house or anywhere they can go online (these accounts are free). Then there's cell-phone IM-ing/texting, which happens a lot in schools that don't have rules against it because it's stealth communications - this generation's version of passing notes, only the conversing parties can be in the same classroom or anywhere else. I noticed that it's available on most reasonably new cell phones now; Verizon's version costs 2 cents for each incoming message, 10 cents for each one your child sends (read all about it at VerizonWireless.com). Those charges can add up, and will keep doing so unless you have the phone company block the service. Verizon blocked it for me, but I had to call and ask them to - and they didn't volunteer that info.
Fifteen percent of the 53 million IM users have sent messages via cell phone, hand-held, or wireless laptop, according to Pew Internet & American Life figures cited by the New York Times, and one-quarter of 18-to-27-year-olds have used IM wirelessly; younger people are even earlier adopters.
The bottom line is, if IM-ing is a key part of a child's social life, real parental control can be tough, at least it's certainly not all about technology. It's also about how involved we are in their online experiences, what policies we've established for PC and cell phone use, their level of compliance with such, and how much they're online outside the home. Keeping in touch with fellow parents on our kids' buddy lists can help a lot too (see "A mom writes: IM impersonations," 10/1).
Related resources
- The new MSN Messenger - "winks," "nudges," and other features kids will love - at CNET
- IM basics at the Lexington (Kentucky) Herald-Leader
- IM risks & tips from a father of 6 and CEO of a PC security company, in Net Family News last January
- Revealing too much in blogs - "Parents of younger MySpace users should be aware that some of the site's personal profiles contain nude photos" - caveat in a recent Washington Post piece about MySpace.com
- Growing up with the Net, Cedar Rapids (Iowa) Gazette
- Youth violence prevention (bullying, harassment, etc., online and offline) - Empowered.org
- Assessing a family's values: eka (Kansas) Capital-Journal
Email me about your family's experiences with instant-messaging! Your comments and stories can be very helpful to fellow readers. The address: anne@netfamilynews.orgHere are Part 1 (home front) and Part 2 (school's role) of this series.
HOME
| newsletter | subscribe
| links | supporters |
about | feedback
